As Pennsylvania is once again covered with ice and snow to a depth sufficient to fill Southerners with eternal horror, your gentle (but angry) Pyromage feels a burning need to once again rail against the greatest peril of the season: other drivers.
These past weeks, we had our first major snow/icestorm of the year. Oh, not that there hadn’t been snow before, but this was the first snowstorm that truly deserved the “storm” part. Blizzard Warnings, Blowing Snow Advisories, and all that. Which meant, of course, it was time for Morons on Ice (well, snow).
There is really only one rule to driving on snow: Change is bad. Speeding up, slowing down, turning, changing lanes—these things cause trouble. Remember that, and you’re fine. Forget that, and, well, you’re a moron. This means of course that you can drive 50 mph perfectly safely, if the road is straight, and you’re not surrounded by morons who don’t know about things like braking distance on snow and ice. It also means that you can drive 15 mph and be a complete hazard on the road…apparently a very popular option.
There is a certain type of driving moron who thinks that by driving 10-20 mph slower, they have somehow “paid their dues” to the Snow Gods and are thereafter absolved of any need to modify their other stupid driving habits. So they’ll slam on the brakes, jam on the accelerator, weave through traffic, take turns abruptly, fail to signal and do all the other things that actually cause accidents on snow, ice, or for that matter perfectly clear pavements under a sunny sky.
And, on snow, this has the added benefit of jamming up traffic behind these fools, since often it’s not possible to pass at all, much less safely, due to snow and ice blocking parts of the road or requiring a much greater amount of time and distance to pass cars safely. As I was reminded of why I hate driving to work in the snow (hint: it’s not the snow, the road, or the wind), I compiled this handy catalog of Morons on Ice:
The Scatterbrained/Ungoverned Venturers (S/UVs):
These drivers have chosen the “safest” vehicle for snow: a 4WD SUV of monstrous proportions. They then either drive that SUV in the exact same way they would on dry city pavements in Chicago—brake or gas pedal jammed to the floor at all times (these are the ungoverned venturers) or they creep along at 10 mph, despite having the vehicle best able to travel straight lines safely in snow (these are the scatterbrained). Since you can’t see around them, unless you too have decided to express your hatred of the Earth in your vehicle choice, you’re stuck wondering why they bothered to buy a huge SUV instead of the tiny rice burner they clearly think they’re driving.
The Oblivious:
These drive any sort of vehicle, though they seem to favor larger sedans. They drive fast or slow but either way have apparently decided that driving in snow removes any requirement to observe what other vehicles happen to be doing. I was nearly rear-ended by one of these while stopped, in the only open lane of a road, waiting for someone to turn left, at the end of a line of six cars! The moron never even stopped, but he was able to swerve left at the last moment, into oncoming traffic, and barrel past the line (including the left turning car, who had the presence of mind not to get in front of the charging idiot). You’d think that the driving conditions would indicate that you should pay more attention, not less, but you’d be wrong where these fools are concerned.
NASCAR Rejects:
Real NASCAR drivers are skilled professionals who are amazingly good at not crashing into other cars in the worst of conditions. But the rejects here drive like NASCAR drivers without the skill, training, or special tires. Every stop light is a starting line, and every intersection is a finishing line. Each start or stop requires full, pedal-to-the-metal acceleration or braking. Strangely this behavior doesn’t mix well with snow, slush, and ice. It does, however, lead to amusing results like fishtailing out of control and spiralling through an intersection into a ditch. Sadly, sometimes they wind up slamming into a car which is actually proceeding through the intersection in an orderly fashion.
The Post-Hoc Expert:
These are the morons who find themselves in an accident of any sort, clearly entirely their fault, and then make increasingly absurd arguments about why they weren’t really to blame and why they deserve a break from the usual consequences of being either stupid or unlucky on snow. Why everyone else should have to foot the bill for their driving habits is, of course, never addressed. They are the “whiny little bitches” of snow driving, and deserve the contempt reserved for such.
So there we have it, a brief catalog of the worst offenders, who turn a Winter Wonderland into the Demolition Derby, and bring to every snowy intersection the level of stress of a trip “outside the wire” in Iraq. Come to think of it, that’s probably a good solution: ship these people to Iraq and force them to serve convoy duty. After all, there’s not a lot of snow there, and in sandstorms nobody can see anything anyway. And most of their bad habits could be an asset in driving supply convoys, where mad dashes through crowded streets are a survival habit, not a muderous rampage.
But whatever you do, get these people off the streets during Winter!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Sadness thoughts and rants
In this country, we believe in the right to pursue happiness. However, the pursuit of happiness is a difficult task to undertake if one does not understand the very concept of happiness. I doubt myself, my world, my existence. I try to talk to my friends about these doubts. Their well-intentioned idea of comforting me was telling me that I had a great family life, a good home, many talents, and a sweet spirit. They told me I should not feel sad because I had been greatly blessed. I agreed with them, knowing I had so much for which to be grateful. It was stupid to be sad. Nevertheless, the feelings remained. I told myself to never talk about them because it did not seem like they mattered. I felt that I had no right to be depressed, despite my uncertainty in my ability to find joy.Since then, time has passed, I have grown up, and the sadness still consumes me.
I am a friend of many whose emotional states echo that of the one I once had. I am a confidante, trusted with their stories because I can understand. Oftentimes, my sad friends pour out their feelings and then express guilt for them, saying they have no right to feel the way they do, like the comfort of their homes should be all that matters. I have never hesitated to tell them that the worst they can do is to keep their feelings to themselves. Doing that, they have the potential to let the sadness eat them through. There is more to life than a lack of shelter, stability, or what most people will look at from the outside and call the “perfect family.” People are different, needs are different; as such, there is really no accurate way to compare people to each other, and the reasons for depression are always different. Besides, life is, after all, very difficult to endure and understand at times. Thus, all people have a “right” to be sad. In fact, sadness affects many people. For most of them, it is actually a process of finding out why happiness exists.This process of finding happiness can be tedious and difficult. In my personal experiences with the subject, I have found that there is one factor that most cases of depression have in common—uncertainty. Many families endure problems of which non-family members never know; sometimes people strive to be the popular definition of “perfect” rather than becoming the person God intended him or her to be; some people have been abused or neglected; many feel that there should be more to his or her life than the immediate surroundings; altogether too many consider themselves to be nothing more than awful burdens to others. I have seen each of these scenarios; they are real, and any one of them could dishearten anyone. All those who are sad worry that they are not going about life the right way. All of them wish to find happiness but are unsure of where to look. It goes far beyond having a warm bed, food, and shelter. The homiest places in the world cannot make up for total lack in a sense of purpose and self-worth. The human body requires constant temporal nourishment, but the human soul is more eternal; it is not kept alive by bread, water, or blankets. It is kept alive by love and hope. When love and hope are lost, nothing is left to motivate a person to be strong and keep living. The sad become the way they do because for their own personal reasons, they lose all sense of purpose.
No one can say those people have no right to be sad. That is like telling a crying child in the middle of the woods that he or she has no right to be lost because he or she has a map. By saying that, one makes the assumption that the child knows how to read the map. Sadness does not make a person stupid—it makes a person lost. The reason that it is a “right” is because there is nothing else it can be; when it happens, it happens. Attempting to simply banish it by saying it should not be there is not the same as actually curing it. If ignored, it remains.Now that it has been established that sadness is a human right, it must nevertheless be made clear that the behavior of the depressed ought to never be excused. There are those who take out their frustrations on others in various ways, such as physical or verbal abuse, because they cannot think clearly enough to realize that there are more productive outlets, and besides that, they feel that they need something or someone to blame—a reason (which takes us back to uncertainty). There are those who hurt themselves, for they figure that by dealing with a greater pain than what they feel in their hearts, they may eventually become numb to pain altogether or because they believe they deserve as much pain as possible. Hurting oneself usually indicates a desire to escape or a belief that if they do not punish themselves correctly, no one will. There are those who shut themselves away and give the cold shoulder to anyone who might try to help because of pride, lack of trust, or not wanting to be an inconvenience. By no means do I wish to convey that any of these actions in response to sadness are acceptable. By spreading, numbing, or hiding the pain, the soul does not find the comfort it so desperately desires. It instead makes the situation worse, for rather than being dispelled, the pain is merely converted to different forms. It is not morally wrong to feel sad, but it is morally wrong to use the sadness as an excuse for poor conduct. Anyone has a right to be sad but not to deal with the sadness in any remotely harmful way.
There are ways to deal with depression. In the most drastic cases, therapy of some kind is recommended. However, in most instances, the teamwork of friends and family is required. While it is true that people have the ability to determine their own attitudes, no one can deny the influences of other people. The sad need to feel loved and understood; by feeling a sense of hope, they can feel more inspired to reach out and serve others. Likewise, if a sad person were to initiate the service, he or she would find service knocking at his or her own door as well. To love and be loved—both concepts go hand in hand. They inspire each other; each is caused by the other. At its deepest roots, depression is usually a natural self-absorption, a preoccupied and unhealthy anxiety about one’s life; it makes sense, then, that the cure would be selflessness, both given and received. The act of serving cannot help but inspire great spiritual growth. When there are so many different possible ways to heal, no sad person has the right to be selfish and hurtful. That would be like the child lost in the woods crying about being unable to read his or her map when he or she refuses to listen to someone trying to teach him or her how to use it. The sad must seek help both from others and from themselves; otherwise, they risk always being lost.After all, sadness is about trying to find a way to live, not being stupid or troublesome.
Do not tell a depressed person that he or she ought to appreciate his or her blessings; gratitude or lack thereof usually is not the issue. Sadness is simply the absence of happiness; happiness comes from many sources, but the most basic, common denominator is love, hope, and meaning. When found, however, the concept of self-worth is understood at a far greater scale than before. Once sadness is comprehended and cured, happiness is deep and all the more wonderful. Surely, like all people have the right to be sad, they have the right to pursue happiness as well.
I am a friend of many whose emotional states echo that of the one I once had. I am a confidante, trusted with their stories because I can understand. Oftentimes, my sad friends pour out their feelings and then express guilt for them, saying they have no right to feel the way they do, like the comfort of their homes should be all that matters. I have never hesitated to tell them that the worst they can do is to keep their feelings to themselves. Doing that, they have the potential to let the sadness eat them through. There is more to life than a lack of shelter, stability, or what most people will look at from the outside and call the “perfect family.” People are different, needs are different; as such, there is really no accurate way to compare people to each other, and the reasons for depression are always different. Besides, life is, after all, very difficult to endure and understand at times. Thus, all people have a “right” to be sad. In fact, sadness affects many people. For most of them, it is actually a process of finding out why happiness exists.This process of finding happiness can be tedious and difficult. In my personal experiences with the subject, I have found that there is one factor that most cases of depression have in common—uncertainty. Many families endure problems of which non-family members never know; sometimes people strive to be the popular definition of “perfect” rather than becoming the person God intended him or her to be; some people have been abused or neglected; many feel that there should be more to his or her life than the immediate surroundings; altogether too many consider themselves to be nothing more than awful burdens to others. I have seen each of these scenarios; they are real, and any one of them could dishearten anyone. All those who are sad worry that they are not going about life the right way. All of them wish to find happiness but are unsure of where to look. It goes far beyond having a warm bed, food, and shelter. The homiest places in the world cannot make up for total lack in a sense of purpose and self-worth. The human body requires constant temporal nourishment, but the human soul is more eternal; it is not kept alive by bread, water, or blankets. It is kept alive by love and hope. When love and hope are lost, nothing is left to motivate a person to be strong and keep living. The sad become the way they do because for their own personal reasons, they lose all sense of purpose.
No one can say those people have no right to be sad. That is like telling a crying child in the middle of the woods that he or she has no right to be lost because he or she has a map. By saying that, one makes the assumption that the child knows how to read the map. Sadness does not make a person stupid—it makes a person lost. The reason that it is a “right” is because there is nothing else it can be; when it happens, it happens. Attempting to simply banish it by saying it should not be there is not the same as actually curing it. If ignored, it remains.Now that it has been established that sadness is a human right, it must nevertheless be made clear that the behavior of the depressed ought to never be excused. There are those who take out their frustrations on others in various ways, such as physical or verbal abuse, because they cannot think clearly enough to realize that there are more productive outlets, and besides that, they feel that they need something or someone to blame—a reason (which takes us back to uncertainty). There are those who hurt themselves, for they figure that by dealing with a greater pain than what they feel in their hearts, they may eventually become numb to pain altogether or because they believe they deserve as much pain as possible. Hurting oneself usually indicates a desire to escape or a belief that if they do not punish themselves correctly, no one will. There are those who shut themselves away and give the cold shoulder to anyone who might try to help because of pride, lack of trust, or not wanting to be an inconvenience. By no means do I wish to convey that any of these actions in response to sadness are acceptable. By spreading, numbing, or hiding the pain, the soul does not find the comfort it so desperately desires. It instead makes the situation worse, for rather than being dispelled, the pain is merely converted to different forms. It is not morally wrong to feel sad, but it is morally wrong to use the sadness as an excuse for poor conduct. Anyone has a right to be sad but not to deal with the sadness in any remotely harmful way.
There are ways to deal with depression. In the most drastic cases, therapy of some kind is recommended. However, in most instances, the teamwork of friends and family is required. While it is true that people have the ability to determine their own attitudes, no one can deny the influences of other people. The sad need to feel loved and understood; by feeling a sense of hope, they can feel more inspired to reach out and serve others. Likewise, if a sad person were to initiate the service, he or she would find service knocking at his or her own door as well. To love and be loved—both concepts go hand in hand. They inspire each other; each is caused by the other. At its deepest roots, depression is usually a natural self-absorption, a preoccupied and unhealthy anxiety about one’s life; it makes sense, then, that the cure would be selflessness, both given and received. The act of serving cannot help but inspire great spiritual growth. When there are so many different possible ways to heal, no sad person has the right to be selfish and hurtful. That would be like the child lost in the woods crying about being unable to read his or her map when he or she refuses to listen to someone trying to teach him or her how to use it. The sad must seek help both from others and from themselves; otherwise, they risk always being lost.After all, sadness is about trying to find a way to live, not being stupid or troublesome.
Do not tell a depressed person that he or she ought to appreciate his or her blessings; gratitude or lack thereof usually is not the issue. Sadness is simply the absence of happiness; happiness comes from many sources, but the most basic, common denominator is love, hope, and meaning. When found, however, the concept of self-worth is understood at a far greater scale than before. Once sadness is comprehended and cured, happiness is deep and all the more wonderful. Surely, like all people have the right to be sad, they have the right to pursue happiness as well.
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